Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Gurgling, laughing, rolling, bouncin and pooping WAY less
Well, it's been a trip. If I am completely honest about the first two month of having a baby at home, I'm not very nice. It was exhausting. We have challenged the limits of our patience. How do twin babies survive?! We are pretty responsive, and we have followed some of the tenets of attachment parenting and seriously- killer.
And then, all of the sudden, we have this happy little kid that laughs and smiles and coos and play UPRIGHT in an exersaucer. It's insane. And he sleeps 12 HOURS a night waking briefly to eat. It's 5 am now, and unfortunately I don't always wake only briefly for our midnight feedings. So, I'll keep up better as the momentum of milestones picks up a bit. Here are some pictures of the last few months. I'll try to post a video of him "talking" too.
Update from 4 month appointment: Kai is meeting all of his milestones- rolled over for the first time yesterday! He's 26 inches long, 16 pounds. 75 percentile for everything.
And then, all of the sudden, we have this happy little kid that laughs and smiles and coos and play UPRIGHT in an exersaucer. It's insane. And he sleeps 12 HOURS a night waking briefly to eat. It's 5 am now, and unfortunately I don't always wake only briefly for our midnight feedings. So, I'll keep up better as the momentum of milestones picks up a bit. Here are some pictures of the last few months. I'll try to post a video of him "talking" too.
Update from 4 month appointment: Kai is meeting all of his milestones- rolled over for the first time yesterday! He's 26 inches long, 16 pounds. 75 percentile for everything.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Delivery
4:45 am on Saturday July 11th, my water broke. It was a lot less dramatic sensation than I thought, there was no gush, no honey-this-is-it moment. The contents of the toilet were cloudy and it didn't feel like urine. And it just kind of kept coming slowly. A few minutes passed and I woke Jon and said the magic words, "I think my water broke."
We arrived at the hospital within the hour. Because I'm group B strep positive (google it) it was pretty important for me to get to the hospital immediately and start a regiment of antibiotics to protect the baby against related complications. And then we waited. And waited. And waited for labor to start. After a couple of hours we got a little more proactive, walking the hospital, sitting on the birthing ball hoping gravity and using my core muscles would help, and even pumping. All day Saturday as the midwives shifts changed they came in with to monitor my vitals - they had varying limitations on how long they wanted to let me go before the evil Pitocin would be introduced, but I never imagined I'd have to worry about it, something like 80% of women go into labor within 24 hours of ruptured membranes. On Saturday night they offered me an antihistamine and some narcotic, I think Morphine, to make sure I got a good night of rest. I took the antihistamine, but skipped the Morphine.
I got a few hours of sleep. On Sunday morning the midwife, Rebecca, was mysteriously absent. We would come to find out later that she was kind of pushing the envelope letting me go to see if I would go into labor. Around 2pm we had "the talk" about Pitocin. If we were going to have to induce, we didn't want to get too much later into the night- so that I would have the energy to labor well. So, at 4pm, 36 hours after my water broke, they induced me.
Giving birth was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done, but the physical and emotional exhaustion that followed, along with hormones and adrenaline, quickly hazed my memories key hours of the event.
Mostly, I was really inside myself. Hours of trying to get my body to work efficiently with what the pitocin was doing to me were punctuated by milestones in labor. The first few contractions were scary. I knew they would get worse, more intense, closer together, but I couldn't think how I would survive the ones I was experiencing. I closed myself in the bathroom for a bit to try to right myself.
And then I just did it. It hurt. It really hurt. And I occasionally had a few seconds of a break between contractions to say something salty or tell people to leave me alone. Jon bathed me in ice water and coached me on my sounds and kept me focused. MM cheered me on (without sounding cheery), supported Jon however she could and documented the events for us.
When I got to 7 cm, we moved the caravan of stuff from our room to the waterbirth room. The tub was soothing, but not as dramatically different as I had anticipated. I was probably more comfortable laboring on the toilet. I had hoped to deliver in the tub, it seemed a gentler birth for baby, but the monitors became cumbersome and it became difficult for the midwife to keep good track of Kai's heartrate.
So, out from the tub, loaded up on the bed and ready to go back to my room, I heard someone say that they will need a clinician. I didn't know what that meant, but I guessed maybe a doctor. The midwife said the baby was in distress and started having me change positions to get Kai to respond with a more favorable heartrate. The position changes hurt. Jon was right in my face, looking at me intently, trying to distract me. I was thinking that a c-section was in my future.
Some time passed and then then it was time to push. I don't know how many times I pushed...not more than a few and at 2:21am, he was born. I heard someone say that the clinician was no longer needed, the baby was fine. I never really had the time or energy to react or be afraid of how Kai was. I didn't even have the context to know when to be concerned. But when they pulled him up on my chest he was blue. Blue like...BLUE. And I just couldn't believe he was okay, but they rubbed him and he cried and he was fine.
I pulled him to my breast and he tried to latch right away. The position was all wrong and we were both tired, but he knew what he was supposed to do. I held him as I delivered the placenta (no one ever talks about that, but it's like delivering a preemie twin...not pleasant.).
MM, Jon, Kai and I hung around for a while, maybe a couple of hours? And then Jon took MM home and I took a bath while Kai got his. We spent a little while working on feeding and then we slept.
We arrived at the hospital within the hour. Because I'm group B strep positive (google it) it was pretty important for me to get to the hospital immediately and start a regiment of antibiotics to protect the baby against related complications. And then we waited. And waited. And waited for labor to start. After a couple of hours we got a little more proactive, walking the hospital, sitting on the birthing ball hoping gravity and using my core muscles would help, and even pumping. All day Saturday as the midwives shifts changed they came in with to monitor my vitals - they had varying limitations on how long they wanted to let me go before the evil Pitocin would be introduced, but I never imagined I'd have to worry about it, something like 80% of women go into labor within 24 hours of ruptured membranes. On Saturday night they offered me an antihistamine and some narcotic, I think Morphine, to make sure I got a good night of rest. I took the antihistamine, but skipped the Morphine.
I got a few hours of sleep. On Sunday morning the midwife, Rebecca, was mysteriously absent. We would come to find out later that she was kind of pushing the envelope letting me go to see if I would go into labor. Around 2pm we had "the talk" about Pitocin. If we were going to have to induce, we didn't want to get too much later into the night- so that I would have the energy to labor well. So, at 4pm, 36 hours after my water broke, they induced me.
Giving birth was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done, but the physical and emotional exhaustion that followed, along with hormones and adrenaline, quickly hazed my memories key hours of the event.
Mostly, I was really inside myself. Hours of trying to get my body to work efficiently with what the pitocin was doing to me were punctuated by milestones in labor. The first few contractions were scary. I knew they would get worse, more intense, closer together, but I couldn't think how I would survive the ones I was experiencing. I closed myself in the bathroom for a bit to try to right myself.
And then I just did it. It hurt. It really hurt. And I occasionally had a few seconds of a break between contractions to say something salty or tell people to leave me alone. Jon bathed me in ice water and coached me on my sounds and kept me focused. MM cheered me on (without sounding cheery), supported Jon however she could and documented the events for us.
When I got to 7 cm, we moved the caravan of stuff from our room to the waterbirth room. The tub was soothing, but not as dramatically different as I had anticipated. I was probably more comfortable laboring on the toilet. I had hoped to deliver in the tub, it seemed a gentler birth for baby, but the monitors became cumbersome and it became difficult for the midwife to keep good track of Kai's heartrate.
So, out from the tub, loaded up on the bed and ready to go back to my room, I heard someone say that they will need a clinician. I didn't know what that meant, but I guessed maybe a doctor. The midwife said the baby was in distress and started having me change positions to get Kai to respond with a more favorable heartrate. The position changes hurt. Jon was right in my face, looking at me intently, trying to distract me. I was thinking that a c-section was in my future.
Some time passed and then then it was time to push. I don't know how many times I pushed...not more than a few and at 2:21am, he was born. I heard someone say that the clinician was no longer needed, the baby was fine. I never really had the time or energy to react or be afraid of how Kai was. I didn't even have the context to know when to be concerned. But when they pulled him up on my chest he was blue. Blue like...BLUE. And I just couldn't believe he was okay, but they rubbed him and he cried and he was fine.
I pulled him to my breast and he tried to latch right away. The position was all wrong and we were both tired, but he knew what he was supposed to do. I held him as I delivered the placenta (no one ever talks about that, but it's like delivering a preemie twin...not pleasant.).
MM, Jon, Kai and I hung around for a while, maybe a couple of hours? And then Jon took MM home and I took a bath while Kai got his. We spent a little while working on feeding and then we slept.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
A Late Report
From Morgon Mae's Facebook photo album:
"Tanya's water broke at 4:45 Saturday morning. After 35 hours of intermittent contractions, breast pumping, penicillin IVs and waiting for nature to take over, Tanya received Pitocin and geared up for labor. For the first several hours, she was composed and very self-contained. Around 10 p.m. Sunday, contractions really started slamming into her and she mastered them with breathing and moving, refusing pain medication so that she and the baby could be alert for the birth. With Jon conducting, Tanya pushed Kai into life with amazing power at 2:21 a.m. Monday, July 13, 2009."
I keep thinking I need to write down what happened before I forget, but I'm not sure I can do the experience justice. It is overwhelming how challenging it was and how proud I am of myself for just surviving the experience, let alone being able to do it without pain medication and in the company of some very supportive and understanding partners. Jon was the most patient and compassionate partner I could have hoped for. He was paying attention, and as soon as we both let go of our expectations of what managing the labor would be, we were able to communicate and get through it. Morgon Mae, cast as the "bucket rinser" never had to rinse a single bucket, though she did have to fetch ice. The documentation of the event couldn't have been enough if it weren't for her insatiable curiousity and commitment to the experience. Ugh. I'm completely overwhelmed by how lucky I was to have you two there. You both believed I was capable of succeeding in the best possible birth for our son and myself and I won't ever be able to recipricate that gift.
Anyway-I'll come back with the blow-by-blow soon- I need a tissue.
Here are some photos of the little guy. He's got Jon toes and my upper lip. Last night, he had my temperment.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Nursery
We finally got a mattress. We had been struggling with information we had on chemicals in conventional mattresses and the alternative which costs at minimum 3 times as much ($260). We finally opted to buy a $60 mattress cover that is air-tight, waterproof and organic cotton flannel and a conventional mattress ($80) which was produced after 2/09 when the pthalate law changed (Google it if you care). The owner at Peapods estimates that it blocks something like 75% of the gases that can be emitted by chemical flame retardants and plastics in the mattress. This all probably seems crazy to everyone, we all turned out fine, right? Well, if you consider the expense over the 4 years he can use the mattress, I didn't feel bad about being sure-we just can't flipping afford it right now.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
2 cm dilated, 70% effaced...
So, last Friday I had my first appointment where the midwife "checked" me. I was 25% effaced, station -1 and not dilated at all. Today, a mere 5 days later, I'm 70% effaced and 2 cm dilated. So, we're on our way.
We still have to get the crib mattress and Baby Beck only has one valance, but I'm lazy and enjoying the last few weeks, days, hours of this pregnancy. He's going to be in our room at first anyway.
Today was Opa's funeral. He died peacefully in hospice care last Friday after a several months of deteriorating physical health and cognition. It was a fantastic service and included nearly as many laughs as tears. What more can you hope for out of a funeral?
We still have to get the crib mattress and Baby Beck only has one valance, but I'm lazy and enjoying the last few weeks, days, hours of this pregnancy. He's going to be in our room at first anyway.
Today was Opa's funeral. He died peacefully in hospice care last Friday after a several months of deteriorating physical health and cognition. It was a fantastic service and included nearly as many laughs as tears. What more can you hope for out of a funeral?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Fun Part
I'm sure there will be lots of fun parts, many including craft projects. Tonight I made these three owls fashioned after the fabric we used for the valences. The picture is sucky, but I used gloss medium, paper, feathers and thread. They turned out pretty well. Frames are from Ikea, of course.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Best Laid Plans...
I'm trying not to psych myself up too much with expectations of delivery. I'm optimistic. We're finally getting our bag packed for the hospital. All I can do is be prepared as much as possible and try not to lose my mind. Last night was rough. I was sore all over and didn't sleep well...got up every hour or two...not typical, but sucky nonetheless.
But, I can't complain. In the last week a co-worker and my sister-in-law both miscarried. While I'm worried about weight gain and sleep and heartburn, they're mourning their losses and probably considering starting the process over and looking at an anxious road ahead. I remember feeling like that even for that day in November and I know I am fortunate.
As of my appointment last week I had gained 24 pounds. I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself but I honestly don't see how it is my fault. I'm eating well and not too much...here's hoping that it is water weight. Baby is still head down, good heartrate, etc.
And we think we know what we're going to name him. We're trying it out right now, if we decide for sure we'll let everyone know. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.
But, I can't complain. In the last week a co-worker and my sister-in-law both miscarried. While I'm worried about weight gain and sleep and heartburn, they're mourning their losses and probably considering starting the process over and looking at an anxious road ahead. I remember feeling like that even for that day in November and I know I am fortunate.
As of my appointment last week I had gained 24 pounds. I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself but I honestly don't see how it is my fault. I'm eating well and not too much...here's hoping that it is water weight. Baby is still head down, good heartrate, etc.
And we think we know what we're going to name him. We're trying it out right now, if we decide for sure we'll let everyone know. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Weigh in!
I've gained 20 pounds in 32 weeks. I'm not going to spend the next 7 years losing baby weight and that makes me very, very happy. Had my appointment yesterday and everything looks good. The midwife thinks the baby's head is down - which is corroborated by what I'm feeling, so that is good news!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Ready. Or Whatever.
Well, we have a crib. We have a rocking chair. We have a carseat, a stroller, a Baby Bjorn, a bouncer, a breastpump. A baby gate. And more 0-3 and 3-6 mo. onesies than any one child could ever need.
But I don't feel ready. There are women who are ready before they are ever women. Before they can technically even reproduce. My mom ALWAYS new she wanted to be a mom. I didn't. But I'm here and I'm not going to half-ass this. I'm not thinking about what crap the baby needs anymore, I'm thinking about what he's gonna need from me and how to be a decent, honest, good intentioned fuck up of a parent that at least the kid can respect someday. And it is really freaking me out. I just sat in his nursery last night and was quiet. I'm practicing keeping my cool when things are stressful. Just trying to keep my mind and my body quiet. It isn't easy.
But I don't feel ready. There are women who are ready before they are ever women. Before they can technically even reproduce. My mom ALWAYS new she wanted to be a mom. I didn't. But I'm here and I'm not going to half-ass this. I'm not thinking about what crap the baby needs anymore, I'm thinking about what he's gonna need from me and how to be a decent, honest, good intentioned fuck up of a parent that at least the kid can respect someday. And it is really freaking me out. I just sat in his nursery last night and was quiet. I'm practicing keeping my cool when things are stressful. Just trying to keep my mind and my body quiet. It isn't easy.
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