Weigh in!

I've gained 20 pounds in 32 weeks. I'm not going to spend the next 7 years losing baby weight and that makes me very, very happy. Had my appointment yesterday and everything looks good. The midwife thinks the baby's head is down - which is corroborated by what I'm feeling, so that is good news!

Ready. Or Whatever.

Well, we have a crib. We have a rocking chair. We have a carseat, a stroller, a Baby Bjorn, a bouncer, a breastpump. A baby gate. And more 0-3 and 3-6 mo. onesies than any one child could ever need.

But I don't feel ready. There are women who are ready before they are ever women. Before they can technically even reproduce. My mom ALWAYS new she wanted to be a mom. I didn't. But I'm here and I'm not going to half-ass this. I'm not thinking about what crap the baby needs anymore, I'm thinking about what he's gonna need from me and how to be a decent, honest, good intentioned fuck up of a parent that at least the kid can respect someday. And it is really freaking me out. I just sat in his nursery last night and was quiet. I'm practicing keeping my cool when things are stressful. Just trying to keep my mind and my body quiet. It isn't easy.