We're Adjusting...

He's getting so big, probably around 17 pounds, and so strong. He's rolling and scooting in his crib. He laughs a lot. He's sleeping like a champ at night, still just getting up to eat every 3-6 hours. He's just a generally good natured kid.

Kai, Jon and I went to see the MNRG Allstars slaughter the Hammer City Rollergirls a couple of weeks ago. Kai wore his skull t-shirt and was mighty stylin. We met Greg and Daisy's (MNRG volunteers) baby girl Harmony who was only 5 weeks at the bout. Kai was totally mellow all night- until he fell asleep just shy of the end of the bout. He seemed enamoured by the lights and sounds...and his dad's cheering! I think we'll probably only bring him occasionally. Don't get me wrong, there was still a little bit of PBR involved, but it's definitely a different experience with a baby and a diaper bag.

We also brought a bunch of people up to Sugarloaf with us this last weekend. It was great to be able to integrate our family and friends...especially when it involved, "Here, why don't you take the baby for a while?" Everyone was really helpful with Kai. Jon and I assigned ourselves each a night to take him to bed early so the other could stay up late. We ate too much and drank some good bourbon. We didn't get to Taboo, but there was some thorough enjoyment of Gordon Lightfoot and the XM 90's channel to make up for any lost laughs.

Tonight we have a sitter for the first time in like two months (Thanks, Jolene). We're having drinks at the Turf, grabbing a bite to eat and going to see the Coen Brothers' most recent release, A Serious Man. I CAN'T WAIT. Love the kid, just miss the time alone with my husband!

Photo credit: Sam Stoltz

Talking

Kai has found his voice. And so, apparently, has Jon.

Gurgling, laughing, rolling, bouncin and pooping WAY less

Well, it's been a trip. If I am completely honest about the first two month of having a baby at home, I'm not very nice. It was exhausting. We have challenged the limits of our patience. How do twin babies survive?! We are pretty responsive, and we have followed some of the tenets of attachment parenting and seriously- killer.

And then, all of the sudden, we have this happy little kid that laughs and smiles and coos and play UPRIGHT in an exersaucer. It's insane. And he sleeps 12 HOURS a night waking briefly to eat. It's 5 am now, and unfortunately I don't always wake only briefly for our midnight feedings. So, I'll keep up better as the momentum of milestones picks up a bit. Here are some pictures of the last few months. I'll try to post a video of him "talking" too.

Update from 4 month appointment: Kai is meeting all of his milestones- rolled over for the first time yesterday!  He's 26 inches long, 16 pounds.  75 percentile for everything.

Delivery

4:45 am on Saturday July 11th, my water broke. It was a lot less dramatic sensation than I thought, there was no gush, no honey-this-is-it moment. The contents of the toilet were cloudy and it didn't feel like urine. And it just kind of kept coming slowly. A few minutes passed and I woke Jon and said the magic words, "I think my water broke."

We arrived at the hospital within the hour. Because I'm group B strep positive (google it) it was pretty important for me to get to the hospital immediately and start a regiment of antibiotics to protect the baby against related complications. And then we waited. And waited. And waited for labor to start. After a couple of hours we got a little more proactive, walking the hospital, sitting on the birthing ball hoping gravity and using my core muscles would help, and even pumping. All day Saturday as the midwives shifts changed they came in with to monitor my vitals - they had varying limitations on how long they wanted to let me go before the evil Pitocin would be introduced, but I never imagined I'd have to worry about it, something like 80% of women go into labor within 24 hours of ruptured membranes. On Saturday night they offered me an antihistamine and some narcotic, I think Morphine, to make sure I got a good night of rest. I took the antihistamine, but skipped the Morphine.






























I got a few hours of sleep. On Sunday morning the midwife, Rebecca, was mysteriously absent. We would come to find out later that she was kind of pushing the envelope letting me go to see if I would go into labor. Around 2pm we had "the talk" about Pitocin. If we were going to have to induce, we didn't want to get too much later into the night- so that I would have the energy to labor well. So, at 4pm, 36 hours after my water broke, they induced me.

Giving birth was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done, but the physical and emotional exhaustion that followed, along with hormones and adrenaline, quickly hazed my memories key hours of the event.

Mostly, I was really inside myself. Hours of trying to get my body to work efficiently with what the pitocin was doing to me were punctuated by milestones in labor. The first few contractions were scary. I knew they would get worse, more intense, closer together, but I couldn't think how I would survive the ones I was experiencing. I closed myself in the bathroom for a bit to try to right myself.

And then I just did it. It hurt. It really hurt. And I occasionally had a few seconds of a break between contractions to say something salty or tell people to leave me alone. Jon bathed me in ice water and coached me on my sounds and kept me focused. MM cheered me on (without sounding cheery), supported Jon however she could and documented the events for us.

When I got to 7 cm, we moved the caravan of stuff from our room to the waterbirth room. The tub was soothing, but not as dramatically different as I had anticipated. I was probably more comfortable laboring on the toilet. I had hoped to deliver in the tub, it seemed a gentler birth for baby, but the monitors became cumbersome and it became difficult for the midwife to keep good track of Kai's heartrate.

So, out from the tub, loaded up on the bed and ready to go back to my room, I heard someone say that they will need a clinician. I didn't know what that meant, but I guessed maybe a doctor. The midwife said the baby was in distress and started having me change positions to get Kai to respond with a more favorable heartrate. The position changes hurt. Jon was right in my face, looking at me intently, trying to distract me. I was thinking that a c-section was in my future.




Some time passed and then then it was time to push. I don't know how many times I pushed...not more than a few and at 2:21am, he was born. I heard someone say that the clinician was no longer needed, the baby was fine. I never really had the time or energy to react or be afraid of how Kai was. I didn't even have the context to know when to be concerned. But when they pulled him up on my chest he was blue. Blue like...BLUE. And I just couldn't believe he was okay, but they rubbed him and he cried and he was fine.

I pulled him to my breast and he tried to latch right away. The position was all wrong and we were both tired, but he knew what he was supposed to do. I held him as I delivered the placenta (no one ever talks about that, but it's like delivering a preemie twin...not pleasant.).


MM, Jon, Kai and I hung around for a while, maybe a couple of hours? And then Jon took MM home and I took a bath while Kai got his. We spent a little while working on feeding and then we slept.

A Late Report

From Morgon Mae's Facebook photo album:

"Tanya's water broke at 4:45 Saturday morning. After 35 hours of intermittent contractions, breast pumping, penicillin IVs and waiting for nature to take over, Tanya received Pitocin and geared up for labor. For the first several hours, she was composed and very self-contained. Around 10 p.m. Sunday, contractions really started slamming into her and she mastered them with breathing and moving, refusing pain medication so that she and the baby could be alert for the birth. With Jon conducting, Tanya pushed Kai into life with amazing power at 2:21 a.m. Monday, July 13, 2009."

I keep thinking I need to write down what happened before I forget, but I'm not sure I can do the experience justice. It is overwhelming how challenging it was and how proud I am of myself for just surviving the experience, let alone being able to do it without pain medication and in the company of some very supportive and understanding partners. Jon was the most patient and compassionate partner I could have hoped for. He was paying attention, and as soon as we both let go of our expectations of what managing the labor would be, we were able to communicate and get through it. Morgon Mae, cast as the "bucket rinser" never had to rinse a single bucket, though she did have to fetch ice. The documentation of the event couldn't have been enough if it weren't for her insatiable curiousity and commitment to the experience. Ugh. I'm completely overwhelmed by how lucky I was to have you two there. You both believed I was capable of succeeding in the best possible birth for our son and myself and I won't ever be able to recipricate that gift.

Anyway-I'll come back with the blow-by-blow soon- I need a tissue.

Here are some photos of the little guy. He's got Jon toes and my upper lip. Last night, he had my temperment.

The Nursery

We finally got a mattress. We had been struggling with information we had on chemicals in conventional mattresses and the alternative which costs at minimum 3 times as much ($260). We finally opted to buy a $60 mattress cover that is air-tight, waterproof and organic cotton flannel and a conventional mattress ($80) which was produced after 2/09 when the pthalate law changed (Google it if you care). The owner at Peapods estimates that it blocks something like 75% of the gases that can be emitted by chemical flame retardants and plastics in the mattress. This all probably seems crazy to everyone, we all turned out fine, right? Well, if you consider the expense over the 4 years he can use the mattress, I didn't feel bad about being sure-we just can't flipping afford it right now.

2 cm dilated, 70% effaced...

So, last Friday I had my first appointment where the midwife "checked" me. I was 25% effaced, station -1 and not dilated at all. Today, a mere 5 days later, I'm 70% effaced and 2 cm dilated. So, we're on our way.

We still have to get the crib mattress and Baby Beck only has one valance, but I'm lazy and enjoying the last few weeks, days, hours of this pregnancy. He's going to be in our room at first anyway.

Today was Opa's funeral. He died peacefully in hospice care last Friday after a several months of deteriorating physical health and cognition. It was a fantastic service and included nearly as many laughs as tears. What more can you hope for out of a funeral?

The Fun Part

I'm sure there will be lots of fun parts, many including craft projects. Tonight I made these three owls fashioned after the fabric we used for the valences. The picture is sucky, but I used gloss medium, paper, feathers and thread. They turned out pretty well. Frames are from Ikea, of course.

Best Laid Plans...

I'm trying not to psych myself up too much with expectations of delivery. I'm optimistic. We're finally getting our bag packed for the hospital. All I can do is be prepared as much as possible and try not to lose my mind. Last night was rough. I was sore all over and didn't sleep well...got up every hour or two...not typical, but sucky nonetheless.

But, I can't complain. In the last week a co-worker and my sister-in-law both miscarried. While I'm worried about weight gain and sleep and heartburn, they're mourning their losses and probably considering starting the process over and looking at an anxious road ahead. I remember feeling like that even for that day in November and I know I am fortunate.

As of my appointment last week I had gained 24 pounds. I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself but I honestly don't see how it is my fault. I'm eating well and not too much...here's hoping that it is water weight. Baby is still head down, good heartrate, etc.

And we think we know what we're going to name him. We're trying it out right now, if we decide for sure we'll let everyone know. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

Weigh in!

I've gained 20 pounds in 32 weeks. I'm not going to spend the next 7 years losing baby weight and that makes me very, very happy. Had my appointment yesterday and everything looks good. The midwife thinks the baby's head is down - which is corroborated by what I'm feeling, so that is good news!

Ready. Or Whatever.

Well, we have a crib. We have a rocking chair. We have a carseat, a stroller, a Baby Bjorn, a bouncer, a breastpump. A baby gate. And more 0-3 and 3-6 mo. onesies than any one child could ever need.

But I don't feel ready. There are women who are ready before they are ever women. Before they can technically even reproduce. My mom ALWAYS new she wanted to be a mom. I didn't. But I'm here and I'm not going to half-ass this. I'm not thinking about what crap the baby needs anymore, I'm thinking about what he's gonna need from me and how to be a decent, honest, good intentioned fuck up of a parent that at least the kid can respect someday. And it is really freaking me out. I just sat in his nursery last night and was quiet. I'm practicing keeping my cool when things are stressful. Just trying to keep my mind and my body quiet. It isn't easy.

Nearly 75% done.

If he were a cookie, that would be enough.

I had my glucose test in early April, which I failed. I had eaten essentially no carbs that day, which could have meant that my pancreas wasn't warmed up to do the work of digesting the sugary beverage they give you (the orange wasn't bad) so it didn't produce the correct amount of insulin to manage it. Anyway, I was really upset (in tears) at the clinic. I scheduled the three hour test and went home to spend the next 5 days reflecting on my future with no simple carbohydrates. Gestational diabetes would further increase my risk of Type 2 diabetes later in life (my maternal grandmother and 3 of her children have it), and I was certain I was doomed.

I easily passed the 3 hour test. I should have listened to everyone who told me the 1 hour isn't very accurate.

We are done with our birthing class. It was okay, but we weren't impressed enough to take the newborn class. I'm keeping an eye out for something - sometimes the Mississippi Market posts some stuff on their board. I'm starting a pregnancy & yoga class on Monday, which I'll probably do until about 35 weeks - or until I can't anymore. I think I should to go to a LLL meeting, but to tell the truth I'm not super excited about it.

My weight gain is at about 16 pounds-ish. It's pretty much exactly where I ought to be. I'm glad I haven't struggled with that; I heard so many stories of 60+ pound weight gains and with the stress of a newborn I don't think I could stand that too. I shopped all of the second hand maternity shops I could find with a little luck (Babies to Bellies, Nines, Nu Look), and yesterday I bought a couple things at Kohl's. Everything is pretty blah at there, but I managed to find some affordable and COMFORTABLE things at reasonable prices AND I got a pair of sandals in WIDE because my feet are swelling a bit. I've got about 8 shirts, 2 pair of jeans and 3 pair of work pants. I should only need to replace a couple of the work pants as I expand. I think I spent less than $150 on maternity gear. I was lucky that Patty and Kayla gave me a few things, and a co-worker offered me some spring maternity gear when she saw me in all black and long sleeves on a 60 degree day. I'm hoping that comes through.

I picked a relatively eventful time to neglect blogging. All of the sudden I can see baby boy move from the outside! He should be nearly 3 pounds by now and his odds of surviving and being healthy if I went in to labor from here forward are very good.

I've got seedlings going. I started them late, but they'll be fine. I started squash, cucs, oregano, catnip, basil, arugula and...I can't remember. We'd like to get a rain barrel set up, but haven't taken the time to figure out what all is involved. Jon is always super helpful in the garden, doing a lot of the tilling, turning the compost, etc, and he seems on board to do even more as I have further limited mobility, which is great.

We're headed up to Sugarloaf with some day roadtripping up to Thunder Bay. We took Friday and Monday off - initially planning on going to FL, then to Chicago, but this is cost free which equals stress free...It will be nice to have some time to do some baby reading, name-storming and agate hunting! My dad says the snow was mostly gone last weekend and it has been above freezing for a while. We're expecting temps in the high 40's to low 50's. I wish we were headed to FL, Al and Cindy's grapefruit tree is calling me, but we'll go next year- when I can make greyhounds from them!

Considering the amount of time it took me to demo the baseboards, scrape, prime, paint, paint second coats, replace all the electrical and light sockets, paint the new baseboards, and finally cut and install the baseboards, it is amazing that I have finally sat down and posted to our blog site. The month plus project probably took so long because it is hard to come home every night after work and jump into another few hours of labor before finally getting to sleep. Wait a minute; this is the same way parenting has been described to us!

I have to admit that it was a labor of love. Much how I expect our many joys and struggles will be with our son. I learned a few things along the way, some from the Internet, some from the advice of friends and family, and some just from trial and error. I have a feeling that parenting will be very much the same journey. I look forward, with a bit of nervousness, to the challenge. I can always buy a new piece of wood and paint over the blemishes, or caulk away the imperfections, but with our son I want to get it right the first time, as the stakes are much higher. I know that I will make mistakes, but that is why I married Tanya, because she will always love me and most importantly always ground me, and inevitable help me make the hard and right decisions.

All right enough with all the introspective babble. I am very proud of how the room came out. The color and scheme came from a piece of fabric T and I found at Treadle Yard Goods on Grand Ave. I wanted a lot of strong colors and Tanya wanted to avoid the typical baby themed room. Not too much blue or baseballs, so we decided on owls. Some are whimsical, some comical (I am still a little nervous about the judgmental one), but I like the colors and the feel of the owls. She bought some of the fabric and borrowed a sowing machine from her sister to make valances for the windows. For the walls we chose a yellow, T calls it butter cream. The real name is Ray of Hope, so much for avoiding the typical baby theme. I think the excitement surrounding the election of Barack Obama is what made Ray of Hope sound fitting.

I primed the old green away and put down two coats of paint we bought at Home Depot that contained no VOC’s and it actually covered very well. I also painted all the existing trim around the windows and doors and removed the old baseboards. Next I changed out the electrical switches and plates. Finally I primed and painted the baseboards, measured many times and cut even more, and eventually used my new finishing nailer and compressor to install them. Thanks for the tools T! That’s it, a piece of cake. I think it turned out pretty good and Tanya had fun too taking that embarrassing video of me. If anyone stops by I will proudly show you my handy work. Much like when our son is brought home in July.


As a postscript I would like to comment on the issue of circumcision. If we are to choose circumcision for our son I will strongly advise the doctor . . . measure twice cut once.

As Prepared as Possible

We've already got two birthing classes down and we're not even 25 weeks. We've got a start on our cloth diaper stash. Jon in putting the baseboards up in the offnursicery which leaves only to paint the doors before we assemble the dresser
(http://justinsomnia.org/images/ikea-hemnes-dresser.jpg) I bought from Ikea last weekend. We're shopping Craigslist for a crib, but in no hurry. We've picked up some second hand clothing and other baby miscellany from Goodwill and friends and family, and we'll probably register this weekend at Target. It suddenly seems like it is picking up momentum. My mom and I are going to Babies R Us today after we have lunch, probably to look at strollers/carseats. That place is so over-the-top it raises my bloodpressure a little bit, but maybe I'll finally by a pregnancy pillow; last night was not a good night.

I found out yesterday that my short term disability is only going to be 6 weeks if I have a normal vaginal birth. I'll probably take two more weeks of vacation/unpaid time, but it isn't the 12 weeks I had anticipated. I'm still lucky for what I get.

We had our first midwife appointment on Wednesday. It was pretty low key. They want to see me every two weeks because of the history of bleeding (I had an incident last week) but as long as my doctor thought it was okay for me to switch over, they are glad to have me. My uterus measures 25 1/2 cm externally at 24 weeks, which puts me on the high end of the 1-2 cm within gestation that it is supposed to be. I've gained 12 pounds, which freaks me out, but doesn't concern the nurses. 10 by 20, 20 by 30 they said. I'm just really concerned with staying around 25. I don't need to deal with the extra emotional trauma of tremendous weight gain with everything else!

That's it for now. I'll post some offnursicery pictures this weekend, Jon is doing a great job!

Nothing Good Ever Comes Easy

Well...It's a BOY! We're spending the day cleaning and purging to make room for him. Our doctor appointment on Friday went well. All of the parts appear to be where they are supposed to, including, of course, the boy part. Here's a picture for your enjoyment.

He's about 10.5 inches long - they really can't tell when he's all curled up, and he weighs in at about a POUND. 21 weeks today. I'm booking through this pregnancy.

Impatient for Friday

So, on Friday we're going to find out what gender the baby is. I've never had any inclination to keep this a surprise (I'm not much for surprises in general), so we're pretty excited to get that info. We'll hopefully be able to start thinking about names, too. We've got nothing so far. I've been feeling it move almost every day for 4 days or so. It feels like someone is tickling me from the inside in brief, almost firm, motions. Probably doesn't make any sense...most woman say "fluttering" or I've heard that it feels like "a bag full of minnows." I think I missed that initial gentle movement- not uncommon for first timers, and am now on to a little stronger stuff.

The baby- yes, its a baby. It moves now and I'm going to find out the gender, I'm finally accepting that I'm going to have a baby here in a few months. The baby is probably about 6 1/2 inches long from crown to rump, but starting this week is measured by its full length from head to foot - about 10 inches. It weighs about 10-11 oz. I have gained about 6lbs, totally on track at this pace to keep under 25lbs, but from what I hear the worst is ahead of me. I believe my placenta may be on the left side of my belly. It seems to be firmer and sticks out a tiny bit more and all of the motion I've felt is on the right- the placenta can block the sensation of movement. Who knows.

I'll update everyong when we know what we're having and we've been assured that all of the parts are there. I know a high school friend just found a heart defect at her FAS, so we're a little nervous. The ultrasound at 16 weeks showed what the tech though was a healthy 4 chambered heart, but it was really too early to see.

Friday will also decide how much more Jon and I have to talk about circumcision. I've basically told Jon from when I met him (When I was writing a human rights paper on routine male circumcision in college) that I couldn't justify circumcising my child, but the issue is much more personal and complicated for him. Feel free to send me feedback on this issue...I don't think my position will change, but I'll listen.

Until Friday, here's a picture of a 20 week girl. Which I'm starting to hope we have (see above).

For shiz up the spout.

I'm pregnant. I feel pregnant. I'm happy I'm pregnant. I'm starting to wrap my brain around its implications for the rest of my life. I'm freaked. The baby is probably 5.5-6 inches long from crown to rump and it is just about proportionally human looking. I'm gonna be a mamma.

"We don't use Pitocin 'willy nilly.'"

We went to the Midwife Meet 'n' Greet and tour at St. Joe's last night. It was great. There was quite a crowd but Jon and I managed to get a couple of questions in. What were they? Jon asked about the accessibility of doctors/surgical staff if the natural birth plan goes awry for some reason. I asked about how the room/staff accommodate the various positions that women labor (I was envisioning kneeling on the cold hospital floor in a pool of blood and needed someone to help me with that).

The midwives all seemed great. They seemed to be very relaxed and had pretty great senses of humor. They also made it clear that if you had a conflict in personality with a particular midwife they would try to get someone else in. That amazed me; not that I have those...personality conflicts.

We learned that about 30% of women come in intending to have waterbirths (we're interested, but not determined) and of those, about half succeed. In order to get into the tub you have to meet a bunch of criteria and be dilated to 5 cm. Meconium is the most frequent culprit in preventing a waterbirth, according to Chris, our tour guide. We really dug her, so we're going to seek her birthing class[es] out when it becomes time.

Overall we are feeling pretty damned good about St. Joe's. I have my last appointment with my OB on the 27th and I'll go to the Mac/Groveland Healtheast clinic for my 24 week appointment and from there forward.

I felt really proud about being pregnant last night. I know it's their job, but they were very welcoming and calming and supportive. I'm not feeling freaked out about having this kid...at the moment.

Rookie Mistakes

Without embarrassing myself with the details of how I overreacted and had Jon bring me to the hospital last night, I just wanted everyone to know we had an ultrasound and everything looks great. I've got a five inch, five ounce baby up in there. That is a bit larger than an iphone.

I still haven't gained any weight and am in this weird place where I don't feel pregnant except some abdominal pain. And headaches.

We've got the Midwife Meet 'n' Greet on Wednesday night. I'll post about how that goes.

15/40...

Well, we're 15 weeks and 2 days today. The baby is probably a little better than 4 inches from crown to rump. I heard the heartbeat on Doppler on Friday, and everything sounds good. My blood pressure was a little elevated, but I'll blame a work situation that made me late for my appointment for that! I told my doctor that I was going to the St. Joe's Midwife Meet 'n' Greet and that we were sure that as long as things continued normally we were going with the midwives. He said that he may be able to be available if he is needed, but I'm not sure how that would work logistically and it isn't like I think he is more capable of doing the c-section if it becomes necessary than any other doctor.

We are trying to get organized at home so we don't feel so overwhelmed by the prospect of having someone else live here, but I've been pretty lazy and am getting hit with headaches and the occasional nausea, so that isn't going too well on my part.

I solicited some advice from an old high school friend on diapering. We are probably looking at some combination of pre-fold cloth diapers and chlorine free disposables. Both are expensive, but it is important to both of us, and ultimately, baby too!

We have THE appointment scheduled for 2/27/09 to do the Fetal Anatomical Survey to make sure all of the parts are where they are supposed to be and hopefully find out the gender. Maybe then we can start thinking about names.

Oh, and OMG! Barack Obama is the President of the United States of America!

Here's my current favorite pic of him...in the OVAL freaking OFFICE. I heart America.

Update: I was spotting a little last night; the first time in a long time. I seemed to have stopped, so we'll see.

Daring to be Optimistic

Here is our ultrasound from about 9.5 weeks.

I'm 13 weeks and then some according to the measurments at my last ultrasound. As of last Wednesday we had a fetus that measured 3 inches from crown to rump. It's probably a bit more like 3.5 at this point. The body is catching up with the head (as much as my offspring should expect) in coming weeks, so it will look more like a miniture baby instead of an alien before too long. Jon will have to post something about his reaction to seeing the baby stretch out and wiggle around for the first time, I can't even begin to describe his expression at the time.

It is apparently part of protocol to test for Down Syndrome during the first trimester, so I didn't realize what was happening until I was already being told that the indicators weren't there. The baby has it's nasal bone which is absent in about 60% of D.S. cases, and there was another measurement that was assuring as well. To be sure, they took a blood test and today I found out that we don't have any of the indicators for D.S.

I have a bump. Well, it kind of. My abdomen in firm and I can't suck it in. I still haven't gained any weight, which is fine by me. My appetite is much improved over the last week or two, but I occasionally get hit by nausea. And headaches.

I have a doctor appointment next week and I should be getting another ultrasound to check out the gender around 18-20 weeks.

Patty is in the hospital right now in LABOR!

Tanya